How are artist coping during COVID-19? Well I can’t speak for everyone but and can shed light on how I’ve been doing lately, and hopefully that can help some.

fear & work.

As human beings, I think we can naturally take space and free time for granted. I’ve been surrounding myself with work lately—a lot of work. To the point, I didn’t work for the past two days, and now I’m upset with myself for not doing work. I took a weekend off, and my mentality has exploded for some reason. Like resting, my body and mind were some crime for a reason?

If you’ve been following this blog, you’ve probably gathered I’m a bit of a perfectionist.

But what happens when I don’t have the mentality to do work? It’s interesting because that’s when frustration kicks in. Unfortunately, If I don’t have the brainpower to keep working, my heart takes that as an epic loss. So, I become frustrated with my heart – it never seems to turn off. Everyone’s brain needs a break from time to time to rest and regenerate, but as human beings, I don’t think our hearts can do the same thing. At least mine never seems to take a break. It’s always on and running, looking for something to fall in love with. It’s challenging to have a runaway heart because it is always hopeful, which makes it that more devastating when you’ve hit and wall and have to shut it down. It’s a skill to say “no” and turn down opportunities and rest and put yourself first. We are human, and we can break – no one is invisible. You can’t work all of the time, and It’s scary.

I think I’m not alone when I say I’ve been hiding this pandemic behind a pile of work. I hide all of my fears, frustrations, and sadness behind a mountain of never-ending work. I keep myself distracted, so I don’t realize how scared I am.

But then I take a break, and I realize:

• I’m sitting at a table, and I am scared. Scared that nothing will happen.
• I’m staring at a zoom screen, and I’m scared. Scared that I’m not learning.
• I’m walking outside, and I’m scared. Scared, I touched too many doorknobs.

It’s effortless to be scared right now, to fall into fear. I’m scared right now, and that’s why I’m writing this because I don’t want to be scared anymore. Unfortunately, that’s easier said than done.

• As an artist, I’m living in a world that is constantly closing and suffocating live performances.
• As a peer, I’m living in a world where I can’t see my friends.
• As a daughter, I’m living in a world where I can’t hug my parents.

We live in a world surrounded by fear right now, and I think one of the most harmful things we can do as a community is not to talk about it. To go on living like we aren’t scared.

We can’t let our fears blind us. We need to remember to be thankful for:

• I’m thankful that my profs are trying to educate me in any way that they can
• I’m thankful that I can call my parents and talk to them.
• I’m thankful that I have friends who take me out for walks.
• I’m thankful that art is finding new forms on the internet.

We set our own standards for our feelings and our fears. The quick solution to fighting fear is to distract ourselves with thanks. To remember from time to time, to surround ourselves with the warmth of others. To not take on this world alone. There are other people on this planet for a reason, we may not fully understand why, but we don’t need to in order to appreciate them.

• Call a friend
• Skype a family member
• Go for a walk with your dog.

We are busy being scared of things out of our control that we over look the people right in front of us. I struggle with it a lot, but there is more to life than work and fear. All you need is the courage to let it in.