My first semester done in a pandemic

What did I learn?

Embarking on my final year of a BFA acting program virtually/partially in person was incredibly challenging. To the point, it’s difficult to reflect and discover what to take away from it. But boy, oh boy, am I going to try. It’s hard for me to mark progress in my work/ability right now as an artist, and I think a big part of that comes from exhaustion. I overworked myself severely, both inside and outside of classes. I rarely took a moment to breathe and reflect because it always felt like I was running out of time. Both physically and emotionally.

Physically I was constantly striving to do more. Whether that be submitting projects, filming self-tapes, or modelling. I ended up doing several shoots, film projects, taught kids dance and created work festivals (all under the proper covid protocol, promise). Above all of that, I was devoted to my studies. Physically I would never stop working, and I planned my schedule accordingly because I think I was afraid of what would happen when I did stop working.

Whenever I wasn’t working, I was continually asking myself questions:

• What if classes get cancelled tomorrow?
• What if this is my last Shakespeare class?
• What if one of my profs get covid?
• What if one of my classmates get covid?
• What if someone in my family gets covid, and I’m miles away training in a theatre program instead of being there for them?
• Why am I doing this?

The questions became never-ending and debilitating. So, I tried my best to repress them every day and get the work done. Because the ability to still pursue an education during this time is a gift in itself, and I didn’t want to waste it. That may be a true and pure thought, but at the end of the day means nothing if you break yourself in the process – and that’s what I did. There is such a thing as too much of “a good thing.” I now believe that it is true about a constant “positive/unaffected outlook.” We are all human. It’s in our DNA to be affected by the world. It affects each of us differently, but if you reject the notion of being “affected,” you are only digging a bigger hole for yourself.

Reflecting.

There’s more to life than just work.
That is an idea I’m still trying to come to terms with myself. If you’re like me and taking care of yourself is a chore, here are somethings that I found helpful throughout the semester.

Take care of your self.
You can be as caring and giving to others as you like, but at the end of the day, if you aren’t giving yourself that same treatment in return, it can be detrimental.

Validate your work.
It’s easy to think that your work doesn’t matter when the world is falling apart. Reminding yourself that your work is important is crucial.

Take breaks.
Doing classes online can make you feel like you’re doing nothing at all – this is not true. Thinking this way can cause you to overwork yourself and eventually burn out. Trust me, it sucks and something I struggled with regularly throughout this semester.

Be with people.
Being around, people kept me sane. I live by myself this past semester, which was challenging because I was the only person who could take care of me. Calling friends and face-timing family helped immensely, a reminder that people still care about you even though you can’t see any of them.

Go outside.
Taking daily walks helped me. The fresh air and the active thought of reaching a goal of a physical destination helped fight the overwhelming screen fatigue.

I may not be able to tell you how I’ve progressed as an artist this semester, but I can definitely tell you how I have changed as a human being.

Hope you all have bee doing well and staying safe.